Ultimately, I thank him. No, I’m not referring to God

I grew up in a household where my mum was abused. Abused physically and emotionally. I grew up watching her do E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G for my dad, yet he still didn’t think twice about hitting her when she “had a big mouth”. He took advantage of the strength he had. He used his power in the worst ways. Everyone in the community respects him. His friends were witnesses to the abuse yet they did nothing. They told him nothing. I have no respect for them either. They are equally as guilty as he is. It wasn’t for too long that I kept quiet. As soon as I started to realise that it was bullshit, I stood up for her.

I swore for the first time in front of my dad, at my dad. To me, he was my main man. I mean, every girl’s dad is her everything. Little did I know that as I continued to grow up, he became less and less important to me – only because of his ways. It was sickening. It pissed me off. The abuse went on for more than 30 years, but it had to stop. If I was around, none of that shit could take place. I took no shit from him towards her.

In my relationship, I also took shit for the first 2 and a half years. Now when I think back, like what the fuck was I thinking?! But that shit is done, and will NEVER repeat itself in my life. Trust me, now, dare ANYONE try that shit on me, they have no idea what’s in store for them. I just wish more girls were as strong as I am, emotionally, mentally and physically. I do not speak to my dad anymore.In the last 5 years, I must have spoken to him for a total of 1 hour. I see him often, but I have no feeling or respect towards him. He has created a monster image of himself. He  has lost an independent, strong young woman. He  does not deserve me in his life. He brought it upon himself. I dont know if I will forgive him, but I sure as hell thank him. I’m nothing like my mum. She forgives too easily. She accepts crap. I guess that is because she is so dependent on him. Without his behaviour, I would have not experienced first hand what I should never accept in my life. I wouldn’t have known. I would not stand so strongly and firmly for women that go through abuse. I would never have known what they actually go through. It has taught me so much. Its sad that I had to go through it, its worse to see your mum go through it, but I can gladly say, it made me who I am – a strong, fierce woman. Come to think of it, it’s not just the abused that is a victim, its also the kids. They suffer a ton. It truly affects them in every way. Its really sad. This is why I try to help as much people as I can, wherever I can, whenever I can, with the little that I have.

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