Everytime I write a post, I tell you that it’s been a while since I was here. To be honest, I don’t know where I am these days. It’s crazy.
You know, back in 2013 I was diagnosed with severe depression. I never knew I could have depression. I didn’t know that I could be diagnosed. I didn’t think what I was feeling was depression. All I knew was that, my face was becoming a breathing ground for acne. My hair was falling off more than the usual few strands a day. I began to drop some weight (I admit it was the only upside), I couldn’t sleep at night, I’d have flash backs. As you can see, I ticked many of the items on the depression checklist. Yet I knew nothing. Clearly, I was not well educated on this topic. And I think alot of this lack of knowledge on depression is due to me not thinking I could ever get it. After seeing a psychologist, awkwardly explaining and talking about my entire life, she figured that I was depressed and prescribed me some strong shit. I don’t recall the name of the antidepressants, but I knew it was strong because the doctor asked if it was really for me. Why? I didn’t “look” depressed? Clearly not. Nobody, except myself, knew what I was going through. I refused to let them know. I was dying inside. My world was crashing. I cried myself to bed for about 3 months. It was hell.
Today I look back, because I’m not in a good place right now. I don’t have all my shit together. I have more bills than I ever had. I am a mess. I am getting frustrated. People(1 person’s) actions and negativity is getting to me. Their curses upon me is affecting me. I feel like I’m starting to get depressed again. I haven’t felt this way in a long time. It’s gotta be serious. I feel like I constantly have a creased forehead. Headaches are more frequent. Though I keep telling myself that I won’t let this shit get to me, how do I control it? It’s in my face all the time. How do I not let these buzzing electrons full of negative bullshit get to me?… I just want peace. Is it too much to ask for? :|:|:|
Why do people think that we owe them something? Why do people feel like life owes them something? Some people litter so much negativity everywhere and then wonder how do they have such trashy lives. It’s scary, sad, shocking… If you are one of them. Please stop that right now. Please stop talking ill of people. Please, I’m pleading with you to start being happy for yourself, if you can’t, wake up the next morning and change that! Stop expecting the world to revolve around you. We have our own lives to secure, live and take care off. We can’t keep living for you.
Always remember that your life is a direct reflection of your mind (I probably should take this advice too, but I feel so sorry for people that I start to worry when they begin to bitch and moan about their lives…And I end up getting caught up in between and it takes a toll on me).