Why we always beg for someone’s time? Effort? Affection? We gotta stop that. Yes, we love them, it’s a sad reality that they don’t feel the same. The things we would do for them, they’d never go even halfway. It’s ridiculous. It’s a crazy reality. People are so selfish. They’re so egotistical and self centered… That they fail to see anything beyond themselves. It’s always about what they want, how they feel, where they want to go. And we just go with the flow because I mean, for us it’s, we’re happy to do anything that makes them happy. Ultimately, we want to see them happy, we want to see them succeed. We want the best for them. Not everyone is alike. 
At this point, we must realise, we need to let go. It’s gonna be hard as hell, but it’s gonna be the best thing you could do for yourself. For your mind. For your body and soul. 

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Ladies! This one’s for you 💜

Okay so I’m just gonna let this out. 

It’s been on my chest for a while. I’ve contemplated putting it down here, but never got to it until now. 

I was just wondering, why do girls, worthy girls, allow guys to bring you down? Is it that you’re not confident with yourself? Is it because you have a low self esteem? I see so many girls out there, allowing guys to walk all over them. Intelligent, young ladies. He has a small job that earns a few dollars here and there. You have a good job. He talks like he’s the boss, walks and acts like one. Yet, he be spending all your dough. Ladies, whatsup with that??? 😐
On to top it off, he doesn’t give you his time. He sees you as a bank. He uses you. He uses your car, your house, your food. Everything. Yet he doesn’t pay attention to you? He doesn’t make you feel wanted? He doesn’t make you feel like the worthy lady that you are?  He leaves you all night to spend time with his boys? He has time for everything but you? He thinks the hour he spends with you at a grocery store is enough??? When you confront him, he says he doesn’t nothing wrong? He says you shouldn’t have an issue because he is not consuming alcohol? ‘cos he ain’t clubbing? He makes you feel stupid or needy? He makes you feel as if you are at fault for wanting some time with him? All you ever do is wait for him to give you some time? You want nothing else but some love, affection and effort from his side? You don’t ask for much? You never ask for materialistic items? Yet he still doesn’t appreciate you? Girl, he is trash.


What are you doing with trash like that? Why? Why are you messing up your bright future? Don’t you see he is just a huge, black cloud blocking your sunny days? A man that never admits to his wrongs, never sees his wrongs therefore will never change those wrongs. A man that truly deserves you is one that has time for you, makes time for you, spend time with you. You don’t need no material shit. You can provide that for yourself. But a spoil here and there, is special. You need to be special to someone. You aren’t a hobby. You are a lady, with morals and values. You are a lady that deserves to be treated with dignity, respect and be showered with the utmost love. Why you gotta beg for his time? That’s not on. The moment you feel like you gotta beg, girl, you know where the door is. Make use of it like he is making use of it every night he leaves to spend time with his boys. Let him feel a good woman gone. Let him regret. Care less. It will hurt, let it go.you will become stronger. You will realise that you’re worth more than that. You will eventually find that there’s someone out there, deserving of a woman of your calibre, someone that will treat you the way you should be treated. A way that will make you feel like a queen in the insides. You will melt. You will be so happy, you’d be able to feel your chest scream with joy. Just hold on, you will get there. You gotta go through a storm, before you have the pleasure of seeing a beautiful rainbow. 🌈

Depression

Everytime I write a post, I tell you that it’s been a while since I was here. To be honest, I don’t know where I am these days. It’s crazy. 

You know, back in 2013 I was diagnosed with severe depression. I never knew I could have depression. I didn’t know that I could be diagnosed. I didn’t think what I was feeling was depression. All I knew was that, my face was becoming a breathing ground for acne. My hair was falling off more than the usual few strands a day. I began to drop some weight (I admit it was the only upside), I couldn’t sleep at night, I’d have flash backs. As you can see, I ticked many of the items on the depression checklist. Yet I knew nothing. Clearly, I was not well educated on this topic. And I think alot of this lack of knowledge on depression is due to me not thinking I could ever get it. After seeing a psychologist, awkwardly explaining and talking about my entire life, she figured that I was depressed and prescribed me some strong shit. I don’t recall the name of the antidepressants, but I knew it was strong because the doctor asked if it was really for me. Why? I didn’t “look” depressed? Clearly not. Nobody, except myself, knew what I was going through. I refused to let them know. I was dying inside. My world was crashing. I cried myself to bed for about 3 months. It was hell. 

Today I look back, because I’m not in a good place right now. I don’t have all my shit together. I have more bills than I ever had. I am a mess. I am getting frustrated. People(1 person’s) actions and negativity is getting to me. Their curses upon me is affecting me. I feel like I’m starting to get depressed again. I haven’t felt this way in a long time. It’s gotta be serious. I feel like I constantly have a creased forehead. Headaches are more frequent. Though I keep telling myself that I won’t let this shit get to me, how do I control it? It’s in my face all the time. How do I not let these buzzing electrons full of negative bullshit get to me?… I just want peace. Is it too much to ask for? :|:|:|

Why do people think that we owe them something? Why do people feel like life owes them something? Some people litter so much negativity everywhere and then wonder how do they have such trashy lives. It’s scary, sad, shocking… If you are one of them. Please stop that right now. Please stop talking ill of people. Please, I’m pleading with you to start being happy for yourself, if you can’t, wake up the next morning and change that! Stop expecting the world to revolve around you. We have our own lives to secure, live and take care off. We can’t keep living for you. 
Always remember that your life is a direct reflection of your mind (I probably should take this advice too, but I feel so sorry for people that I start to worry when they begin to bitch and moan about their lives…And I end up getting caught up in between and it takes a toll on me).